From Trip to Pilgrimage of the Heart

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

St. Augustine of Hippo, Confessions

I always smile inside when people ask, “How was your trip?” My first inclination is to respond, “If you didn’t read about my trip in the paper or hear about it on the news, it was good!” I think most of us would take the success of air travel and put it in the hands of air traffic controllers, pilots, flight attendants, luggage handlers, booking agents and computers. At least that is how I think we usually perceive it: Someone else is responsible for how my trip turns out.

As you know, the Superiors of religious communities and their novices were invited to the Canonization mass of St. Junipero Serra with Pope Francis at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, DC two weeks ago and S. Marlene and I accepted the invitation. We had a smooth and hassle free trip all the way from the monastery garage door in Watertown, SD to Reagan Nat’l Airport. With help on the ground there from S. Marlene’s niece and her husband who live and work in the greater DC, area every detail from lodging to commuting around the many road closures was attended to so that we could enjoy our short time there to the fullest.

The morning of the Canonization mass we headed to the Metro from our downtown hotel, with our prized entry tickets in hand to the campus of Catholic University arriving at about 9:45am or so with a relatively small contingent of others who were ready to start passing through the understandably tight security provided by the TSA, Metro Police, Secret Service and Homeland Security.  Our tickets had us entering through the “Purple Gate via Harewood Rd, NE” which on the map, looked pretty simple and not too far from the Metro…unless the Secret Service closes a major road. And close one they did.

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We inched along in the queue thinking we were making our way to the purple gate but were turned away from the Orange Gate, the Red Gate, and the Yellow Gate (we DID NOT even attempt the Green Gate!), were shuffled here, there and around this now very secure campus perimeter. We didn’t really know where we were going because we didn’t have a map but followed behind excited seminarians, young novices and the religious men and women in charge of them. But not all trekkers were moving quickly.

The Catholic U blue-shirted ushers did their best to relieve all the concerns about the unexpected trek through road construction and neighborhoods that took us up & down steep hills toward the now elusive “Purple Gate.” Each time we asked they kept saying “It isn’t too far now, you are almost there.” We encountered those who were hobbling because of poor health or “mature-aged” legs.  We stopped several times in the shade to rest or sip water and talk to others. Little did we know that this detour would end up being almost three miles and that S. Marlene’s mature-aged legs would come to know it.

At about the half-way point while inching our way up a pretty steep hill we looked at each other and said almost in unison, “This is a pilgrimage now.” We wondered about and prayed for the bent over couple who held hands as they slowly hobbled along to see our Holy Father, the many elderly religious we had passed by who couldn’t keep up with their young charges and the man who had tripped on a ragged sidewalk receiving a head injury serious enough for an ambulance call. We prayed they all would make it to the Basilica in time to be cleared by security for mass. Soon enough we started to recall out loud our sisters at home who were in need of prayer, healing or just struggling in some way. This recognition of the struggles, pain, needs, and efforts of others helped us both in small ways: S. Marlene with taking the next step and me not to worry so much about her.

Our trip had morphed into something unexpected and had taken on new meaning. Even though we finally arrived at the elusive “Purple Gate,” passed through security several hours later, got some food and made it to our “appointed sections and ticketed seats” the reality was (and still is) we had arrived, but the pilgrimage was not over. This trip was one leg of the pilgrimage each of our hearts embarks on the day we are baptized and WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW THE THE TRIP TURNS OUT.

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When we think about the word pilgrimage it may bring to mind scenes of an arduous journey with much hardship or sacrifice, but with a great reward and sometimes that is true. S. Marlene and I were inconvenienced and sore but it was not a horrible hardship or an arduous sacrifice. Rather, it was a challenging privilege to travel as representatives of our community carrying the struggles, pain, needs, and efforts of others along with us. But that is what we are called to each and everyday, isn’t it? Carrying others lovingly with us in our hearts, in our prayer as a pilgrim people fully responsible for how it “all turns out.”

In one of his letters, Saint Augustine reminds us that “not by journeying but by loving we draw near to God. To Him who is everywhere present and everywhere entire we approach not by our feet but by our hearts” (Ep. clv, 672, in P. L. XXXII)  I am blessed to have journeyed on varied pilgrimages, some arduous, physically and others an all-out spiritual hardship. While it is a privilege and a blessing go to faraway places that inspire, sharing it with others of importance, we don’t need to travel all over to encounter God, to have a movement of great magnitude within us. No. It is seeking God, encountering God in each leg of our pilgrimage that spurs the restless heart onward to journeys end all the while acknowledging we are the one responsible for how it all turns out.

Novice Barb

Leave it at the shore…all of it.

The above photo was taken at Grayton Beach, Florida in October of 2013.

I’ve never lived further than 40 miles from the beach, be it the Pacific, Atlantic or the Northwest Gulf of Mexico. For the last 23 years I literally lived one block from the warm Gulf waters. For me, the beach has been playground, classroom and chapel; a place of discovery, shared experiences, solitude and prayer. It would be an understatement to say coastal living has been a mainstay of my life.

During these first few weeks of Ordinary Time, we are steeped in the beginning of Jesus’ own ministry and the call that He shared with those who would accompany Him as Apostles. Jesus asked an awful lot of those men; He asked them to put their life aside and follow.

Last Fall and Winter, as I was traveling everywhere but near southern warmth visiting religious communities, the Scriptures of the Sunday gospels, verses used at retreats, notes from sisters and what was coming out of my pen onto the pages of my journal kept repeating one thing: Leave it at the shore. All of it.

‘Come after me and I will make you fishers of people.’ They abandoned their nets and followed Him leaving everything they had at the shore.

I would pray this questioning if not sarcastic response, “Leave it all at the shore and follow You to…South Dakota? God, are YOU really sure about this, because I am not! BTW, I was only kidding when I said the snow drifts looked like sand dunes, honest!” God even answers the sarcastic pleading prayer of discernment. I kept hearing over and over, “Yes, I am sure, daughter of mine.”

Many people have told me they could not imagine giving up coastal living, it would just be too much. That statement is usually followed up with “Why would you trade a Gulf Coast paradise for the cold snowy prairie?” Two simple words are as honest as I can get: Trust and Love. If I am going to let go of all I know and am and own, only to turn to God with empty hands and an open heart longing for them to be filled by the Divine, then TRUST is absolutely necessary. Trust in the Creator who made me. Trust in the truth-bearing song of this call. Trust in the prayer between us. But if trust travels alone it is more likely to be an exercise of risk taking. Trust joined with Love means that I can go places and do things I never thought possible. I can respond to the One that I so dearly love with my “yes” full of trust.

There has been nothing easy about leaving it all at the shore. And although I do literally miss the sight, sound and smell of the beach, God is calling me to more. Giving up and trading in is part of the “Yes” to life as a religious sister but not exclusively. Every Christian has to decide how to be “in the world but not of it” as St. Paul writes to the Romans in 12:2. While what happened a year or more ago in my journey and life with the Divine is important, it is not more important than the answer to these questions: “What do I still need to let go of? How and where are you calling me today, God?”

Next Blog: conversatio morum

P.S. – the snow drifts really do look like sand dunes!

Seek. Pray. Listen.

What do You want me to do with my life?
What do You want me to do with my life?

“What do you seek?”

If this question is kicking around inside your brain and messing with your heart, read on.

There’s lots we seek: food, water and shelter. Hey, that’s just to survive. Usually, we throw in a few companions and we are off, surviving at life. But who wants to just survive?

“What do you seek?”

Deep down each person longs for more than survival, much more. We want to be fully alive. We want to thrive! But really where’s the recipe for that? So how does one THRIVE?

Hummm, weighty questions. Where do you get real answers in a platitude world? Okay that was another question, but really, where does one start to find that direction, the practical guide to living life in a fruitful and fulfilling way? 

God seeks to answer those questions. God wants us to thrive…those who live according to their own designs are dominated by them and quite frankly, merely surviving. (ref. Rom 8:5) Purpose. Direction. Support. Satisfaction. God calls each one of us to a unique way of being in the world, to a life of purpose and fulfillment. The Author of Life has equipped us to find our calling and to THRIVE!

“What do you seek?”

Sure, it is easy to advise someone to go seek out what God wants. But really, how do we get there? We believe and know first hand, “Our help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” (Ps 121: 2) And so we seek God in our daily lives. We seek God in prayer. We seek God together. We approach each day, each moment as an opportunity to see God revealed in our lives, no matter how weird, painful or common that moment might be. But maybe most importantly we let our heart seek God’s answer. After all, we have tried doing what we prefer and we were left longing for more.

If these questions are kicking around inside your brain and messing with your heart join us in seeking God. Pray, pray by asking, “What do You, God, want me to do with my life?” And LISTEN, listen with your heart.

We, the Benedictine Sisters of Watertown, SDakota welcome you in this discussion about vocations and invite you to join us as we discern our life’s calling.

May you recognize God’s presence in the mundane, the exciting…sacred moments all!

Barbara Younger, Assistant Vocations Coordinator